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When I was in my 20s, I saw my very first psychotherapy client。 I was a Ph。D。 student in clinical psychology at Berkeley。 She was a 26―year―old woman named Alex。 Now Alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and a big slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my office and kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems。 Now when I heard this, I was so relieved。 My classmate got an arsonist for her first client。 (Laughter) And I got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys。 This I thought I could handle。
But I didnt handle it。 With the funny stories that Alex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road。 "Thirtys the new 20," Alex would say, and as far as I could tell, she was right。 Work happened later, marriage happened later, kids happened later, even death happened later。 Twentysomethings like Alex and I had nothing but time。
But before long, my supervisor pushed me to push Alex about her love life。 I pushed back。
I said, "Sure, shes dating down, shes sleeping with a knucklehead, but its not like shes going to marry the guy。"
And then my supervisor said, "Not yet, but she might marry the next one。 Besides, the best time to work on Alexs marriage is before she has one。"
Thats what psychologists call an "Aha!" moment。 That was the moment I realized, 30 is not the new 20。 Yes, people settle down later than they used to, but that didnt make Alexs 20s a developmental downtime。 That made Alexs 20s a developmental sweet spot, and we were sitting there blowing it。 That was when I realized that this sort of benign neglect was a real problem, and it had real consequences, not just for Alex and her love life but for the careers and the families and the futures of twentysomethings everywhere。
There are 50 million twentysomethings in the United States right now。 Were talking about 15 percent of the population, or 100 percent if you consider that no ones getting through adulthood without going through their 20s first。
Raise your hand if youre in your 20s。 I really want to see some twentysomethings here。 Oh, yay! Yalls awesome。 If you work with twentysomethings, you love a twentysomething, youre losing sleep over twentysomethings, I want to see ― Okay。 Awesome, twentysomethings really matter。
So I specialize in twentysomethings because I believe that every single one of those 50 million twentysomethings deserves to know what psychologists, sociologists, neurologists and fertility specialists already know: that claiming your 20s is one of the simplest, yet most transformative, things you can do for work, for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world。
This is not my opinion。 These are the facts。 We know that 80 percent of lifes most defining moments take place by age 35。 That means that eight out of 10 of the decisions and experiences and "Aha!" moments that make your life what it is will have happened by your mid―30s。 People who are over 40, dont panic。 This crowd is going to be fine, I think。 We know that the first 10 years of a career has an exponential impact on how much money youre going to earn。 We know that more than half of Americans are married or are living with or dating their future partner by 30。 We know that the brain caps off its second and last growth spurt in your 20s as it rewires itself for adulthood, which means that whatever it is you want to change about yourself, now is the time to change it。 We know that personality changes more during your 20s than at any other time in life, and we know that female fertility peaks at age 28, and things get tricky after age 35。 So your 20s are the time to educate yourself about your body and your options。
So when we think about child development, we all know that the first five years are a critical period for language and attachment in the brain。 Its a time when your ordinary, day―to―day life has an inordinate impact on who you will become。 But what we hear less about is that theres such a thing as adult development, and our 20s are that critical period of adult development。
But this isnt what twentysomethings are hearing。 Newspapers talk about the changing timetable of adulthood。 Researchers call the 20s an extended adolescence。 Journalists coin silly nicknames for twentysomethings like "twixters" and "kidults。" Its true。 As a culture, we have trivialized what is actually the defining decade of adulthood。
Leonard Bernstein said that to achieve great things, you need a plan and not quite enough time。 Isnt that true? So what do you think happens when you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say, "You have 10 extra years to start your life"? Nothing happens。 You have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition, and absolutely nothing happens。
And then every day, smart, interesting twentysomethings like you or like your sons and daughters come into my office and say things like this: "I know my boyfriends no good for me, but this relationship doesnt count。 Im just killing time。" Or they say, "Everybody says as long as I get started on a career by the time Im 30, Ill be fine。"
But then it starts to sound like this: "My 20s are almost over, and I have nothing to show for myself。 I had a better résumé the day after I graduated from college。"
And then it starts to sound like this: "Dating in my 20s was like musical chairs。 Everybody was running around and having fun, but then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned off and everybody started sitting down。 I didnt want to be the only one left standing up, so sometimes I think I married my husband because he was the closest chair to me at 30。"
Where are the twentysomethings here? Do not do that。
Okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake, the stakes are very high。 When a lot has been pushed to your 30s, there is enormous thirtysomething pressure to jump―start a career, pick a city, partner up, and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time。 Many of these things are incompatible, and as research is just starting to show, simply harder and more stressful to do all at once in our 30s。
The post―millennial midlife crisis isnt buying a red sports car。 Its realizing you cant have that career you now want。 Its realizing you cant have that child you now want, or you cant give your child a sibling。 Too many thirtysomethings and fortysomethings look at themselves, and at me, sitting across the room, and say about their 20s, "What was I doing? What was I thinking?"
I want to change what twentysomethings are doing and thinking。
Heres a story about how that can go。 Its a story about a woman named Emma。 At 25, Emma came to my office because she was, in her words, having an identity crisis。 She said she thought she might like to work in art or entertainment, but she hadnt decided yet, so shed spent the last few years waiting tables instead。 Because it was cheaper, she lived with a boyfriend who displayed his temper more than his ambition。 And as hard as her 20s were, her early life had been even harder。 She often cried in our sessions, but then would collect herself by saying, "You cant pick your family, but you can pick your friends。"
Well one day, Emma comes in and she hangs her head in her lap, and she sobbed for most of the hour。 Shed just bought a new address book, and shed spent the morning filling in her many contacts, but then shed been left staring at that empty blank that comes after the words "In case of emergency, please call 。。。 。" She was nearly hysterical when she looked at me and said, "Whos going to be there for me if I get in a car wreck? Whos going to take care of me if I have cancer?"
Now in that moment, it took everything I had not to say, "I will。" But what Emma needed wasnt some therapist who really, really cared。 Emma needed a better life, and I knew this was her chance。 I had learned too much since I first worked with Alex to just sit there while Emmas defining decade went parading by。
So over the next weeks and months, I told Emma three things that every twentysomething, male or female, deserves to hear。
First, I told Emma to forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital。 By get identity capital, I mean do something that adds value to who you are。 Do something thats an investment in who you might want to be next。 I didnt know the future of Emmas career, and no one knows the future of work, but I do know this: Identity capital begets identity capital。 So now is the time for that cross―country job, that internship, that startup you want to try。 Im not discounting twentysomething exploration here, but I am discounting exploration thats not supposed to count, which, by the way, is not exploration。 Thats procrastination。 I told Emma to explore work and make it count。
Second, I told Emma that the urban tribe is overrated。 Best friends are great for giving rides to the airport, but twentysomethings who huddle together with like―minded peers limit who they know, what they know, how they think, how they speak, and where they work。 That new piece of capital, that new person to date almost always comes from outside the inner circle。 New things come from what are called our weak ties, our friends of friends of friends。 So yes, half of twentysomethings are un― or under―employed。 But half arent, and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group。 Half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbors boss is how you get that un―posted job。 Its not cheating。 Its the science of how information spreads。
Last but not least, Emma believed that you cant pick your family, but you can pick your friends。 Now this was true for her growing up, but as a twentysomething, soon Emma would pick her family when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own。 I told Emma the time to start picking your family is now。 Now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle down than 20, or even 25, and I agree with you。 But grabbing whoever youre living with or sleeping with when everyone on Facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress。 The best time to work on your marriage is before you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work。 Picking your family is about consciously choosing who and what you want rather than just making it work or killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you。
So what happened to Emma? Well, we went through that address book, and she found an old roommates cousin who worked at an art museum in another state。 That weak tie helped her get a job there。 That job offer gave her the reason to leave that live―in boyfriend。 Now, five years later, shes a special events planner for museums。 Shes married to a man she mindfully chose。 She loves her new career, she loves her new family, and she sent me a card that said, "Now the emergency contact blanks dont seem big enough。"
Now Emmas story made that sound easy, but thats what I love about working with twentysomethings。 They are so easy to help。 Twentysomethings are like airplanes just leaving LAX, bound for somewhere west。 Right after takeoff, a slight change in course is the difference between landing in Alaska or Fiji。 Likewise, at 21 or 25 or even 29, one good conversation, one good break, one good TED Talk, can have an enormous effect across years and even generations to come。
So heres an idea worth spreading to every twentysomething you know。 Its as simple as what I learned to say to Alex。 Its what I now have the privilege of saying to twentysomethings like Emma every single day: Thirty is not the new 20, so claim your adulthood, get some identity capital, use your weak ties, pick your family。 Dont be defined by what you didnt know or didnt do。 Youre deciding your life right now。 Thank you。
One of the most popular hobbies among people is reading books. More and more people spend their spare time in reading the books they are interested in.
There are so many books in the world that it is impossible for any one to read all of them, even if he spends his whole life in reading. Before we start reading, we should find out whether it is valuable for us to read.
Reading good books is one of the greatest pleasures in life. It can enrich our knowledge. It makes us learn lots of things we did not previously know. We can be aware of what had happened in the past as well as what is happening in the present time. The more books we read, the more knowledge we get. No matter how much education we receive or how much expensive we have, we can not become a full man unless we keep reading.
Reading bad books will lead you to a wrong way and prevents you from progressing. It’s worse than reading nothing. So we know how important it is to read good books.
book can be read at random time if you have leisure, and there never be a time limitation. Also, you can read a book to achieve a more really history. Through a book, you can communicate with its author without other’s transmission. All these rarely can be easily achieved by a television.
Furthermore, book is a treasure that has developed centuries. As we know when written language appeared, human beings became use it to record their lives, and this action leaves us a lot of historic precious mineral. We can absorb intelligence and wisdom, and we can also be taught lessons. I love book from my heart, form book I know how to communicate with others, and I learn my homeland is the place I love best, and also I know my parents are the very individuals who I love through my life. What about the television? Television, sometimes, show violence, sex, drugs beyond our choice.
There is no better school than y defeat, every heartbreak,every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve myperformance next r again will I contribute to my downfall by refusingto face the truth and learn from my past use I know: gems cannotshine without polish, and I can not perfect myself without hardship.
Now I know that there are no times in life when opportunity, the chance tobe and do gathers so richly about my soul when it has to suffer cruel everything depends on whether I raise my head or lower it in seeking ever I am struck down, in the future, by any terrible defeat, I will inquireof myself, after the first pain has passed, how I can turn that adversity a great opportunity that moment may present……to take the bitter rootI am holding and transform it into fragrant garden of flowers.
Always will I seek the seed of triumph in every adversity.
Hello everyone!
i am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.
five score years ago, a great american, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the emancipation proclamation. this momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. it came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.
but one hundred years later, the negro still is not free. one hundred years later, the life of the negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. one hundred years later, the negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. one hundred years later, the negro is still languished in the corners of american society and finds himself an exile in his own land. and so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.
in a sense we've come to our nation's capital to cash a check. when the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the constitution and the declaration of independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every american was to fall heir. this note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the "unalienable rights" of "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." it is obvious today that america has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. instead of honoring this sacred obligation, america has given the negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds."
Thank you!
english is a useful language all over the world. why are we began to learn english when we were little children? beacause it is very important for us to learn the world, if you cannot speak english you will lose half a chance to success.
i began to learn english when i was 8 years that moment,i do not like connot remember all the words which i have think it is very difficult for me to learn it i cannot read english loudly and i never answer the questions in the english classes.
even if my english is very bad, my teacher stll encourages me to learn english hard and he gives me some ways to learn english. he tells me to read passages loudly and listen to the english tapes everyday order to progress my writing he also asks me to write some articles at times. i like listen to the english songs,he suggests me to sing the english a result of his ways my english becomes well.
now, i like english very well and i still use the ways he tells know i must learn english even hard.
We all come to the world, but why do some of us make great achievements known forever and why are they remembered forever even though they leave the world? And why do some leave the world without anything valuable to his generation and the people? Every one of us will hope to have a significant and valuable life. But what kind of life is both significant and valuable? Answers to the questions are …… "If you cherish your value of your own life, you will create something valuable for the world." Johann Goth said. "The life value should be judged from his contribution rather than his profession." Einstein said. Lei Feng, a communist soldier, said, "one lives to make others a more beautiful life."
As we all know, Marx is an outstanding and great man. He founded his brilliant and scientific theory of communism. The theory guides the ways for the human being#39;s liberation. Marx said, "If we can elect one suitable profession, we won#39;t be demoralized with its pressure, because we make sacrifice for human beings. Only by this way will we not be addicted to the joy of narrow-minded and individualism. Our happiness belongs to thousands upon thousands of people. I see, although it may be unknown, our cause will never be forgot forever. Even when we depart to God, the kind people will tear down upon our ashes." When he said these words, he was only 17 years old. He meant his word with his deeds in his late lifetime period. After his death, on his 100-birthday anniversary, the proletarian and the revolutionary people of the whole world still cherish the memory of Marx and mourn him respectively.
It is his distinguishingable contribution to the mankind that his life is that significant. It is his great devotion to the human being that his life value is beyond measure. We also know that Lu Xun is a man of great. Without his nobility "Fierce-browed, I wooly defy a thousand point fingers, head bowed like a willing ox I serve the children", and without his spirit of his loyalty and devotion to the last for the bright future of the Chinese people, his life would not have been so significant and so great. Actually, didn#39;t those regarded as essence of human who live forever in the hearts of people make great contributions to the cause of the people? Wouldn#39;t the people remember those whose great achievements for human are recorded in history? We know for certain that not every of us will be a second Marx or Lu Xun. However, a person of noble aspirations will do solid work. Struggle
continuously and effortless. He will try to make his greatest contribution in his shortest time. He will try what he can to bring benefit to the people in his lifetime. We#39;d say it is impossible for one to live alone if he isolates society and people. If he hopes to make a benefit life, he will bring benefit and make contribution to people. As a socialist youth, he will devote his life to the cause of communism in order to make a benefit life. Moreover, we say that a value of life will be only in direct proportion to achievement and contribution he makes to our society. In our real life, we can see many revolutionary martyrs die young for the people. Don#39;t you think they cherish the life? Yes. They do. They are sentimentally attached to life; they are full of hope and desire. But they confront the death bravely and resolutely in order to make many more people live. Their brilliant status will be living in the hearts of people. They die glorious and great.
The life of those who die busy about his lifetime without any achievements can not be compared with their life. In our real life, we have many cases like those. Life is endless and tackling key problems will be continuous. Let#39;s take these as examples. Mr. Jing Zhuying worked for the Chinese science causes to the last of his life. Mr. Zhang Hua sacrificed his own young life for the sake of others, which set a good example of the communist. Mr. An Ke died for fulfillment for the duty as a citizen. Ms Zhang Haiti, compared to be Paul of our time, worked very hard and faced frustrations of her life, though she was disabled. She still continues to live on bravely.
All these are the strong of their life. Their value of life is precious. My fellow students, don#39;t you say what a beautiful life they have? Beethoven once said; "I must learn to control my life which will never make me give myself up. Oh, If only I can live more than thousands times!" Paul Cocking also had a golden saying, "Life is but one." I think every youth of us keep this in our minds. let#39;s turn it into reality with our deeds.
Let#39;s not be a man full of promises but without any deeds, like Lusting, one of the characters by Dougeshefol. My fellow students, let#39;s not wander. Let#39;s not hesitate. Only lament and vexation does not mean consideration and exploration. Only lament and vexation does not mean advancing and does not mean mature at all. Let#39;s not kill our lifetime by playing cards. Let#39;s not waste our youth by drinking. Let#39;s not destroy our will without any achievements. Let#39;s make great contribution to human. And only by these can we create benefit life. Every one will have to die and every body will be rotten. But every one may make achievements and contributions. We hate being rotten. Let#39;s brighten up! Up! And up!